I read for 24 hours straight and all I got was this lousy blog post

To quote an iconic lyricism by American treasure Katy Perry: Greetings, loved ones. Let’s take a journey.

I don’t actually even really like Katy Perry, and in fact do not enjoy the song California Girls, which I’m pretty sure the above line is from, but we don’t have time for that because I’m already two hours into reading and I just decided I’m doing this.

(Update: Thank you to my friend and pro bono fact checker Liam, who has informed me that it is in fact Snoop Dogg, featured on the song California Girls, who says the above quote. My apologies for anyone I have harmed in this error.)

Staying up for as many hours out of 24 as I can. Reading for as many of those minutes as possible. Seeing what happens.

For similar reasons, I have no time to crack jokes that acknowledge how surprised we all must be to see me here, making two blog posts in a month, rather than last year’s best of one post in a twelve month span.

We have to get into it.

The Challenge

Lately I’ve been seeing cool stuff that BookTubers have been doing, and wishing I could do it without having to show my face to anywhere between 30,000 (my Goodreads following) and 12 (the people I’m confident would actually click a video I made) people, and then I remembered I have a blog.

So here we are.

I started reading this evening (now yesterday) upon getting home at approximately 8 p.m EST. At approximately 10:02 p.m. I decided I could be confident I would not be doing anything for the following hours, and read from now on, back-counting the last two hours as well.

It is now 10:11 p.m. Let’s see how much we can read.

Book 1: Everything I Know About Love

10:12 p.m.: This is the book that I started at 8ish. I think I was already about 20 pages in at that time – you can all deduct that from my final score, if I have one, you rule-followers you.

I’ll be over here, rebelling.

Because nothing says “badass” like staying in on a Saturday for homework you gave yourself.

10:19 p.m.: Stop to frantically text my friend who has been on an all-day date about how it went. Books are fun, but gossip is forever.

I am on page 221, have drank half a vodka lemonade from when I still thought I was going out and not trying to stay awake for as long as possible, and am thinking about eating cake.

11:24 p.m.: Book finished. Feeling sleepy. Giving up.

time elapsed: 3 hours 24 minutes; pages read: 368

★★★

Book 2: Conversations with Friends

11:36 p.m.: Quick break to refill my water, look at Twitter, change from one set of pajamas into a different set of pajamas, and scroll aimlessly through various food-delivery apps. Now we’re back. Shocking twist – I am not yet giving up.

This will be my 7th time reading this book.

12:18 a.m.: Took another break at page 58 to make a cup of tea, mark the last book as read, and order a truly reprehensible amount of Japanese food.

1:17 a.m.: Some fun facts about me: I am full of brussels sprouts and sushi, I just finished part one, and now I am doing my daily Wordle before I forget.

1:24 a.m.: I just somehow got it in three, through sheer force of luck, then was so proud I decided to tweet it and got distracted reading tweets making fun of Aaron Rodgers for being anti-vaxx and annoying and also wildly inconsistent in the post season throughout his career. Back to the book.

1:58 a.m.: I live in a downtowny neighborhood, and typically at this hour of night I am hearing nonstop drunken conversations in full. But tonight…it’s quiet.

Did I miss the zombie apocalypse? Should I feel grateful or bummed? I’ve always said if the end of the world came around I wanted to be in the first round to go out, so that people are still sad and I don’t have to do anything hard or annoying.

(Page 202.)

2:58 a.m.: Have been reading veryyy slowlyyy because I made the mistake of tracking down my phone and somehow I know two people who are currently awake. Page 244.

3:17 a.m.: Second cup of tea time. Almost done this book!!

3:35 a.m.: Possibly this is the greatest quote ever written: “This could only interfere with my other ambitions, such as achieving enlightenment and being a fun girl.”

3:43 a.m.: Finished! Will I ever love a character like Frances, who I feel came from me and is made of me! Hard to say! Probably no!

time elapsed: 7 hours 43 minutes; pages read: 675

★★★★★

Book 3: These Violent Delights

3:51 a.m.: Well, starting a 500 page book in a genre I barely read anymore seems like a weird choice, but I haven’t been able to force myself to read this any other time. Maybe now is the charm.

4:44 a.m.: This was easier when the books were holding my attention. Or maybe it’s just because now it’s nearly five. 19% done!

5:14 a.m.: Am needing to take a tiny break after every chapter. Nevertheless we persist, etc.

29%!

5:58 a.m.: First cup of coffee in hand and it is far weaker than I need right now. Caffeinated beverage count: 5. (I made both my teas doubled up.) Percentage check: 44%!

Around 100 pages per hour is my normal pace for focused reading, so we remain shockingly on track.

6:25 a.m.: I infinitely prefer still being awake at 6:25 to waking up at 6:25. Fellow night owls, sound off in the comments below!!!

Perhaps you can tell that the lack of focus issue is not improving.

6:53 a.m.: Reallyyyy starting to get bored here in the lofty position of the 63% mark. From the very beginning the plot of this has felt the same: People sneak around. People see something gruesome. People look for answers. Repeat. The stakes are not rising, the action is not packing, and snooze city has a population of me.

7:21 a.m.: Took a break to do the unthinkable (read another book) and will probably just keep alternating. I’m crazy like that. 70%.

8:06 a.m.: Twelve hour mark, baby! Brushing my little teeth and washing my little face and doing my little skincare routine to try to convince my little brain it slept.

Anyway, my major issue with this book has escalated from “what is this plot structure” to “where are we at, morally speaking, not in the fun way.” 81%. Let’s get this DONE.

8:40 a.m.: This book did not improve with grumpiness. Who knew.

time elapsed: 12 hours 40 minutes; pages read: 1,138

★★

Book 4: The Other Black Girl

9:04 a.m.: 13% in. One third of my attention is on what snack to have, two thirds on the book. This is getting tricky!

10:12 a.m.: Still snackless. Now 38%. Feeling tireder than ever and extremely brave.

11:11 a.m.: My precious angel sister brought me a grilled cheese and a coffee. 54%. I am finding this book very strange. Also, make a wish!

1:43 p.m.: Take a 30 minute nap that is actually a 90 minute nap. C’est la vie. 67%! Eat a cucumber and check my phone and we are back to it.

2:29 p.m.: Rested, rejuvenated, racing through. And every time I finish a chapter, I catch up on adding a book to my reading tracker spreadsheet.

Because when you are on the biggest nerd on earth, that’s a reward. 84%.

2:58 p.m.: Caffeinated beverage count: 8. Percentage check: 92%. Wellness check: Been better.

3:12 p.m.: Finished. Now I just need to read reviews until I understand how I felt about it.

time elapsed: 17 hours 12 minutes; pages read: 1,506

★★★

Book 5: Housebreaking

3:37 p.m.: Long break to post on Instagram lamenting my choices and extolling the virtues of Conversations with Friends, and also text people. The usual.

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4:09 p.m.: This is a book I requested on Netgalley because, judging by cover alone, I thought it would be one of those literary fiction type deals about unlikable women I love so much lately.

It is not. It is some kind of women’s fiction family drama situation.

I cannot stress enough how much harder this challenge is when I’m not interested in the book.

4:26 p.m.: 31% in. Shooting the sh*t with my sister as a way to avoid this.

5:46 p.m.: Just talked to my sister for over an hour. Going to finish this book and this challenge out while rewatching the only worthwhile season of Love Island (UK season 5).

7:02 p.m.: It’s not a fair comparison, but Love Island Season 5 is way more fun than this book. 56% and an hour to go.

7:17 p.m.: Have done the unthinkable. Love Island is paused. LET’S FINISH THIS!!!

7:32 p.m.: I am so tired, and also stuffed after a third of a hot chocolate and a handful of Cheez-Its. I’m falling apart. 77%.

7:52 p.m.: DONE.

time elapsed: 23 hours 52 minutes; pages read: 1,874

So here’s the story:

• I finished 5 books
• I’m now 6 books ahead on my already-absurd reading challenge
• I have work in 13 hours and feel like I could sleep for 27.

Not sure what we learned, but at least we had fun along the way.

Sorta.

Have you read any of these books? Do you want to call me insane? Let’s get into it!